Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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