Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
