I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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