I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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