I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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