Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize