I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
