Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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