Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The adults are the big ones right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
