I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
