If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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