You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
