2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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