Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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