It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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