does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
