Grow some girl-balls and come out already
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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