you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
