How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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