i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
