But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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