I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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