Jerry, you need to find god
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
