Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
