Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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