she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
