Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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