I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
