I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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