WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
