so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
