You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
