happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
