I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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