im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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