I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
