from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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