I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
