haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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