Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
