a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
