She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
