yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize