And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
