and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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