If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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