Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
