Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
