New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Come on in and take your pants off
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