I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't turn off my feet"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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