I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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