i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
