Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
