Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
