Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
