my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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