so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
