when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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