Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
