The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
