I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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