Porn is love you can see.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
